epilogue (to unisono)

i realised that unisono is a concert of mixed feelings.

excited, happy! and i was totally enthusiastic looking forward to it. besides it was my first ever concert. as in first concert WE are hosting.

but i had this nagging sense of (how do you put it -) unhappiness. dread. why? i realised that after unisono, the next thing would be farewell. and i dread it.

not just because i'll be The Tuba (haha) after that. i mean, it's more than that. are seniors considered your friends? perhaps not. some may be. they said so themselves. they are not. but this senior-junior gap, outsiders say it's bad. on the contrary, it bonds the band. do you realise how close knitted we are? even ncc? as compared to gb? guides? co?

but i know i'll miss them alot alot alot. i dont exactly have a senior that is one year above me. really, do you think i'll turn nasty next year? when they leave? like HER? i really hope i dont turn out like you-know-who. but i dont think i will... sherry darling will kindly rap me on my head and bring me back to mortal world if i get my head too high in the clouds. sadly SHE didnt have an sbm to do that.

and the worst thing is that i'm not up to standard. i KNOW i'm not. and i think they're really disappointed in me. esp her. i dont know, i just cant play!! i'm really at a loss. i hate doing indiv. i hear my lousy tone. but not doing indiv makes me worse. sigh.

how can a band not have a bass? i cant support the band alone. me and 2 sec2s next year. quite small. very bad. and it would be horrible if my sec1s this year turn out better than me, won't it?

really, i'll just be the downfall of rgssb.